oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
