You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
