i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
