i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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