where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
cat food counts as protein by the way
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
