My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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