Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
