Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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