Can Purell be used as lube?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
