he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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