He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
