It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
