I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
