I swear she didn't look like that last week.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
