She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
