i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
