im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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