I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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