If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize