I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
