I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There are leaves in my underwear?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
