if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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