I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
