i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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