6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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