apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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