the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
