New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize