note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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