nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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