saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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