So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
