I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
