yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
