I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
