I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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