Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's like heaven, but drunker
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
