The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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