My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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