i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
