That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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