dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
