Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
