Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
