I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize