dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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