So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
