pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.