Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.