I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
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seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.