Don't you send me to vm
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.