we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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