matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...