I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Everything about him screamed your future.
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So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
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After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.