Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
