all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
