i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
