Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
