hotel room ftw
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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