shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
