Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
