my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
