We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
