I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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