the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
