talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
