My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The adults are the big ones right?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
