I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
