I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
