It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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