My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
