Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
