We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Pants are for mortals
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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